Dear Pastor
July 2, 2004
‘I feel left out’

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I am a regular reader of your column and I think that you do indeed give good advice to young people.
My problem is I have an inferiority social complex – which simply is: I don’t have a high self esteem, and I feel as if I do not fit in. I feel left out if I am not hanging out with a certain group of people, and because of this I have allowed myself to be “used” by these said people. {{more}} Not sexually, but emotionally. I do not know how to contact my real self. I have lost the real meaning to life; it’s as if there ain’t no me without my friends, and when they treat me unfairly, I just swallow it and go on, because I think to myself if I lose them, there’s nothing left. Pastor, I know that this is not right! In fact I am trying to find out how I can overcome this hurdle in my life. As a young 17-year-old girl growing up this is the hardest thing to do.
Please Pastor, please give me some ways in which I can find my real self, and stand out from behind the walls of my “friends” because I am not being accepted for who I really am.
Looking forward to your response.

From Lost.

Hi Lost,

You are already on the right track to your deliverance, seeing your bondage. You already acknowledge that you are not doing justice to who you are so now you begin your journey to self-love. I know when people hear of self-love there are some alarm bells that ring out. After all we are taught to Love the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbours…but wait, how are we to love our neighbours….AS WE LOVE OURSELVES (Matthew 22:37-39)? The Apostle Paul told husbands in Ephesians 5:28 that they ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
So my dear, let us start with understanding that you were made in the image and likeness of God. God told Jeremiah, an Old Testament prophet who also struggled with an understanding of who he was, that he was made with destiny in mind. This is also the case with you. God did not make any “NOBODIES”; this may sound like just another popular saying but it is so true.
In Jeremiah’s case he was destined to be a prophet unto the nations; for you it may be a successful teacher, chef or lawyer, etc. raising some wonderful children in the fear of the Lord (just a guess). The point is, only the manufacturer of a product can tell best what that product was made for, so if you are a child of God then guess who you need to get real close to in your quest for destiny.
As you get close to God you will develop a spiritual honesty to see what is good and what needs to be changed in your character if your purpose is to be fulfilled.
When you understand who you are I guarantee you that you will not be trying to fit into any crowd because the people you get close to will be on your way to your destiny. Remember if you don’t love yourself it is an embarrassment to God because he loves you, so you are in fact saying that he doesn’t have good taste. Let me know how you are going ok?