Dear Pastor
June 25, 2004
Married men after me

Dear Pastor,
I always read your articles. You are doing a very good job, keep it up.
I have a problem that I want to share with you.
Pastor, a month does not go by without some married man coming on to me. I really do not understand this. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am an attractive woman and so I expect men to watch, but why is it most of the men who come after me have to be married? {{more}}I will admit that I have been involved with a couple of married men before, but I have sworn not to get myself in that again.
Right now I am single and looking for someone to settle down with, but everywhere I turn there is a married man on my case. Now I know my obligations so I am resisting, but sometimes it is hard.
Recently one guy asked me to have lunch with him and he started to tell me that he was unhappy with his wife and that he desires me. He even said he wished he’d met me before he’d met her, and he told me all the things he thinks about doing with me. I know I cannot go back into something like that but it felt good hearing it, that is the thing.
Please tell me something to help me get through this.

My Girl,
Our existence is not just physical but a spiritual one. There are many things happening in the spiritual realm that are often ignored and scoffed at in these increasingly godless times. You see, two things could very well explain the fact that so many married men are drawn to you. Those two things you said in your letter have tremendous spiritual significance. One, you have been in those types of relationships before and secondly you liked your latest encounter. You have to be careful that your spirit isn’t attracting the spirit of adultery. Men pursue women all the time, but if you check there are certain women who are avoided by the type of men you are referring to. A woman who, within her own heart, has her moral and spiritual boundaries CLEARLY set is an unlikely candidate for a lunch date with a married man who expresses his sexual desires to her and his dissatisfaction with his wife. That conversation wouldn’t reach so far. You must seriously look at yourself, at what signals you are sending out that tell cheating husbands, “Here is a potential side dish.”
As I said earlier, these signals may not be deliberate but come from a spirit that may be plagued with low self-esteem (so you relish any attention you get), or lust (so you entertain potential sexual gratification from any source).
Just remember and do not be fooled when a married man claims to love you, desires you and wishes he never met his wife. Most of the time that is the long, flattering way of saying what he really means, something like this: “You look good; can I have some sex?”
Wake up and smell the coffee, darling; you are not seen as special – you are being used as a spare tyre!!