Firstly, dey bought him one ah de most expensive Toe-yo-toe, de ole joe-lap-he car dat uses to break-down all over de place wid Fr Samson and others was not good enough foh him, nexâ dey move him out ah de humble dwelling on South River Road and put him in ah Palace-tour-all Centre at Edindoro; den dey over-fed him wid rich food and when he put on size, dey come-plain say he getting too big foh his shoes. So Bishop Gordon, yuh better tek warning!
However, ah got ah message foh yuh from my main squeeze, Lie-Za whom yuh will hear about from time to time: think yuh should try getting her to swing back to Cat-lick-is-him. She say to stay clear ah de Christian Council (CC) of Jews ah Far-ah-see, be de man of God/Christ and con-dem Corruption and Crime (CC) and wrong doings in high places. But on de spiritual side, she say: âmove away from de ole style and traditions. Go into de streets and hamlets and preach de Gospel, and she might come back!â Her problem is she uses to be ah Disco Gal, went partying all Sat-dey night, den early Sun-dey morning come to yu Mass; but, she is now ah born again, ah Pentecostal, dey play nuff ah de lively rhythms in de church: Soca, Gospel, Reggae and she gets to party. She add-owes de Pastors, incidentally one ah dem name is Pope, has ah Doc-to-rate, he like three in one: Doctor, Pastor and Pope (DPP)! Trust me Bishop Gordon, getting Lie-Za to come back is ah wuk. Thank God Mon-seen-yuh Mike Stewart is back; he was Lie-Zaâs choice foh de first black Pope! But as ah say, Bishop Rivas was, and still is me friend. Any time ah attended ah Cat-lick service, be it christening, wedding or funeral, once is Rivas officiating, he would pick me out and throw Holy Water pon me; he didnât like de devil in me, âmember satan fraid Holy Water nah. Lie-Za wid she lie-in self say dat Rivas did throw Holy Water pon Guns-off and dey fell out. However, if ever ah visit and yuh officiating, feel free to wet me down. One ah de things ah will remember Rivas foh is, de marathon walk he did to raise funds foh a new Primary School, walking non-stop from de Church in Kingstown to Argyle. Ah was wid him all de way, he on foot and me in my vehicle supplying his eats and drinks, no comment on dat. What is interesting or eye-run-ache or just ah puzzle is dat Rivas walk to Argyle foh ah school, we ainât get de school yet; instead, dey lose de Church at Argyle in return and we getting ah Airport. Now Bishop, nobody want yuh to walk in Rivas shoes, he got to be ah size 14, but while yuh are here, we want yuh to walk another Marathon foh de school, tek de route down to Buccama, we still might not get dat school, but yuh never know, we might just get dah much needed Hospital foh SVG. Enjoy yuh pilgrimage here and during de Eucharist, remember me in prayer!
DE BATTLE IN DE SKY
Somebody has to write off LIATâs death so dat it can be ah competitor in dat vicious battle ah de skies. Ah want de experts who insist dat LIAT must fly at all cost, to explain how de price foh my LIAT plane ticket to Bo-bid-us, just 100 miles from SVG cost me EC$ 426. 00 or $4.26 ah mile, and flying Wes-Jet from Bo-bid-us to Toronto, a distance of 2,400 miles was EC$476. 00, or 19 cents ah mile, much less dan travelling on ah Mini Van in SVG which is about 50 cents ah mile. De LIAT fiasco is like de foolish farmer, who got dis bright I-dare dat if he could get enough features to borrow from Compay Foul and Compay Duck he could stick dem on Compay Turkey and it will fly high like Compay Chicken Hawk. Ah think de LIAT staff (service) was good on de day ah travelled; but nothing in comparison wid Wes-Jet, these people are here to serve and mek money. When yuh travel yuh meet all kind ah characters, salesmen. Yesterday in Toronto dis Guyanese (East Indian) selling excellent curry foods, picked up my Vincy accent. âAh bet yuh from St. Vincent,â he said. âHow do yuh know dat?â ah asked. âMan me know ah lot ah Vincies, me know all yo prime minister too, is way wrong wid all yo Vincies?â My next question stumped him, âWhich Prime Minister yu talking boutâ I asked; âWay yuh mean which Prime Minister, me talking âbout, is only one PM all yuh got, and dat is Mitchell.â I swear I tell no lie. But de man who made my day at Grantley Adams Airport was de Beer-jon Comedian/Poet, âBing Bong âHarrison trying to sell me one of his books, âBelly Laughâ. Hanging out at de Airport, he knows de different W.I. accents, âBreddah, yuh from Sain Vincent?â he asked. âDo I look like someone yuh know from St. Vincentâ was my reply. âYeh mar, Oye spot ah bit ah resemblance ah Sir Vincent Beach in yuh mar.â Ah felt honoured, foh Sir Vin-Sin of course, but ah mek ah vow right dey and den, âFrom Mon-dey September 19th. 2011, anybody, from de Prime Minister down or up, who disrespects Sir Vin-sin and call him âCoconut batâ, disrespect me too!â Nah mek nobody mash up de country while ah dey way. And wid dat is gone ah gone again.
One Love Bassy
Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.