Click! Click! Hold yuh calm-ram

Looking back at some ah de most feared instrument used over de years, de Tongue would be de vanguard and among de most deadly! King Solomon had nuff to say bout de tongue, none of which was complimentary. James, de half-brother of Jesus described de tongue as “full ah deadly poison”. Den de Sword made ah mightily appearance, Paul wrote dat de only ting dat was sharper dan ah two-edge Sword was de word ah God. Was not until one ah dem great scholar proclaimed dat de Pen was mightier dan de Sword, dat de Pen gained its rightful place as an intellect’s tool.{{more}} Mek no mistake de Pen could be incisive and cut deep, especially into tin-skin people, way not even ah “Sue could stop de pen from flowing”.

One problem wid de Pen-is dat it will tek ah day to script ah story using ah thousand words, while ah Pick-cha will say dem 1000 words in ah flash. How? wid ah Calm-raw: yuh aim, focus, click, and tah-laaah, Pic-cha! de whole story in seconds. Yes de Calm-raw is ah master tool and weapon, and now dat every-ting is digital, it could haunt yuh like ah Ghost, hiding in de ceiling, remember how dey did ambush Star-key in England; or scoping thru yuh Sell-phone or chasing after yuh like Papa-rat-see some 200 yards away.

While de Calm-raw is considered ah most useful tool foh documenting events, family and his-sterical. Dey does use it to mek ah lot ah mischief, like when some-buddy did send Lie-Za ah Pick-cha of she fellar, Lie-Owe jam-up tight, kissing another woman at ah party. She still insisting dat de woman is she. Was serious business however, when de two young Policemen on Can-One beach dey beating up ah young-star resisting arrest, only when dey heard de Click! Click! and saw Hawkins Nanton, ah Searchlight Reporter, armed wid ah Calm-raw. Dey shift ruffing up de youngster and turn pon Hawkins; seized de messenger’s tool, his Calm-raw! Luckily de senior Officer was familiar wid de Law and returned Hawkins’ equipment safely.

Dis Click Click Calm-raw has always caused controversy. Ah tourist dare not point ah Calm-raw anyway locals are, especially at our colourful market scene. Journalists risk having dey Calm-raw damaged or taken away if dey only focus de lens in de direction way ah Police standing. So much so dat everybody believe dat it is illegal foh Reporters to tek out anybody picture even in ah public place. On de contrary, ah Calm-raw has its powerful Legal Rights, this was so ably explained by de brilliant son-ah-de-soil and Lawyer P.R Campbell Q.C on his “De Law and You” TV program last Monday night. PR was responding to an incident involving popular Journalist, Jeff Trotman and Supt. of Police, “Bouncer” Francis. To cut ah long story short, Supt Bouncer was outing ah fire on ah building on Back Street and got upset wid Jeff and his Click! Click! ah Calm-raw on de scene. Jeff knowing his Rights, held his ground and Supt Bouncer had him detained. Ley me just say here dat we got some good Cops in de Force, and one ah my fear-foh-it is Sgt. “Gold Teeth” Glasgow, de other is de same Supt Bouncer. Ah refuse to forget Bouncer’s hard wuk in de 1990’s, in de trench fighting dem Drugs men foh his promotion. But according to Mr Campbell’s explanation, he’s de expert in de Law, it was an illegal Bouncer bowled at Trotman. Wid all fearness, Fire fighting is not Bouncer’s ting, couldn’t stand de heat, Fire was too strong foh him. But let dis be ah lesson foh all, Police got dey wuk cut out, so does de Journalist, and is nuff space on ah crime scene foh both ah dem to ha-mo-noise. As Jeff himself says, is nuff room foh all to wuk together, ley we move on. I hope dis is ah case ah “Out ah evil cometh good”, ah victory foh Journal-is-him, so fellars continue to Click! Click! and Hold yuh Calm-raw!

AH PREFER AH HECTIC EIGHTY

Methuselah was de oldest man who ever lived, 979 years, and all dat is said about him in de Bible, is he had many sons and daughters, and he died. Ah smile at dat because if dat was all he did, no mention ah cricket, no soccer, not even ah disco in dem days, man he had ah long and boring life. Ah would much prefer ah short and hectic life like Granny Rose who turns eighty (80) dis week. She has been de pillar and pillow at de YWCA Day Care Centre from day one, over forty years ago. Granny has been de Granny dat many ah lickle one never had, and ah dear say de Mommy too. My own Grand daughter and her son, my great-grand-son are products of de “Y” Daycare and would have drank soup from Granny Rose’s nourishing hands. Much can be said of dis one-dah-full lady, including ah gift to de nation of two Ambassadors in Renwick and Dexter, but my greatest appreciation and respect foh her was when she employed Maxine, a sightless woman as ah fulltime Daycare worker. It is inspiring to see Maxine functioning on de job, my grand-daughter remembers Max as one of de care-in-ist person at de Centre. Ah remember wishing Granny Happy 70th and 75th Birthdays, dis is her 80th, and my inner voice is silently saying, hold back something foh her 90th. May God richly bless you Granny. And wid dat ah gone again.

One love Bassy

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.